For most of us sometimes it feels like my emotions are holding me hostage.
You know the feeling. You’re about to say no to something you genuinely don’t want to do and boom guilt shows up like an unexpected guest. Or maybe you’ve had a productive day, you sit down to relax, and suddenly anxiety whispers, “Shouldn’t you be doing more?”
It’s like my emotions are these little emotional mob bosses inside my head. “Nice peace of mind you got there. Shame if something were to happen to it.”
And I listen. Over and over. Not because I want to, but because somewhere deep down, a part of me believes I have to.
So what’s going on here? Why do our emotions act like master manipulators, and more importantly, how the hell do we take our power back?
Emotional Blackmail: What It Really Is?
It’s when your feelings use fear, guilt, shame, or obligation to manipulate your behavior. It’s not just other people who do this we do it to ourselves all the time.
- “If you don’t go to that party, people will think you’re antisocial.”
- “You can’t rest yet, you haven’t earned it.”
- “If you speak up, they’ll get upset, and it’ll be your fault.”
These aren’t just thoughts they’re tactics. They twist your emotions into tools of control, keeping you stuck in patterns that don’t serve you.
Where This Comes From?
This inner emotional pressure cooker didn’t just appear out of nowhere.
Most of it comes from:
- Childhood conditioning (“Be a good boy/girl.” “Don’t make people angry.”)
- People-pleasing habits
- Perfectionism and fear of rejection
- Unresolved trauma that taught you safety comes from compliance, not authenticity
Basically, our brains learned to associate emotional discomfort with danger. So instead of tolerating guilt or fear, we obey it. Even when it’s irrational. Even when it’s unhealthy.
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