For all of us there comes a quiet moment in life often after a failure, a heartbreak, or even a success when we ask ourselves: “Why did this happen to me?”
The answer we give, consciously or unconsciously, reveals something very deep about us. It reveals our locus of control.
What Is Locus of Control?
It is a psychological concept that explains where we believe control over our life comes from. Do we believe our life is shaped mainly by our own actions, or by luck, fate, people, and circumstances?
There are two main types:
1. Internal Locus of Control – “I Influence My Life”
People with an internal locus of control believe that:
- Their efforts matter
- Their choices shape outcomes
- Growth is possible through learning
- Responsibility is empowering, not threatening
When something goes wrong, they ask:
“What can I learn from this?”
When something goes right, they think:
“My effort paid off.”
This mindset doesn’t mean life is always fair it means you still have agency even when life isn’t.
2. External Locus of Control – “Life Happens To Me”
People with an external locus of control tend to believe that:
- Luck or fate decides outcomes
- Other people control their success or failure
- Circumstances are stronger than effort
- Trying often feels pointless
When things go wrong, they say:
“It was destiny.”
“Nothing is in my hands.”
This mindset often develops from repeated helplessness, emotional neglect, over-control, or trauma not from weakness.
How Locus of Control Shapes Daily Life
- Relationships – Do you communicate or withdraw?
- Career – Do you take initiative or wait?
- Mental health – Hope vs helplessness
- Stress levels – Action vs anxiety
- Resilience – Learning vs surrender
An internal locus often supports confidence and resilience, while an external locus can increase stress, anxiety, and dependency especially in unpredictable environments.
Is One Always Better Than the Other?
This is important:
A healthy life is not extreme.
- Believing everything is in your control leads to guilt and burnout
- Believing nothing is in your control leads to helplessness
True psychological maturity lies in knowing:
What is in my control, and what is not and responding wisely to both.
How to Build a Healthier Internal Locus of Control?
- Start small – Control your response, not the outcome
- Change your inner language – Replace “I can’t” with “What can I try?”
- Acknowledge effort – Even when results aren’t perfect
- Stop over-blaming fate – Ask where choice existed
- Heal past helplessness – Many external patterns are trauma-based
This is not about forcing positivity it’s about reclaiming ownership gently.
A Human Truth – That we at Mentoring Minds Counsellors believe that…Life is unpredictable. Pain is real. Loss happens.
Locus of control does not deny this.
It simply asks:
“In this moment, what part of my life can I still hold with intention?”
And sometimes, that intention alone changes everything.
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